How my broken leg taught me what it means to be secure
I would love to do that, but I’m not talented enough, or I don’t have these skills, or whatever excuses come along.
I admire people who do all these incredible things I wish I could. Yet it’s too risky, I don’t dare. What if this and that happens?
Billions born and raised, trapped in an endless loop of securing wishes, dreams, plans, and environments. Preparation and anticipation; a constant play on the safer-side, longing for whatever they don’t dare.
We believe we’re safe as long as we’re in control. One of the biggest illusions we maintain.
Security leaves us stagnate in the so-called comfort-zone; for the comfort-zone, today and to me, equals death.
We can’t be more secure than we are at every moment in time. There’s no insurance that will ever be able to prevent things from happening in your life. Unless money is your treasure, then yes. You may receive reimbursement AFTER an incident occurs.
Security is not about controlling, but about trust. But trust in what?
I remember when I found myself lying in the ditch, my motorcycle 30 meters further; Consciously breathing in a bare moment of stillness.
I was alive.
It was a period of disorientation, a constant seek for distraction since I couldn’t see clearly, and escaping has always been my unconscious reaction.
Yet escaping from yourself isn’t possible in the long run. It always comes to you, gently knocking on your door, asking to hold on for a moment and realize what really matters.
Ignoring theses may lead to catching a cold or a day where all of your plans fall off… providing you with time to take care of yourself and reflect; If it’s accepted that way.
If not, such gentle door-knocks may come in amplified, like the motorcycle crash I had.
My broken leg has kept me immobilized for more than 30 days. Time enough to reflect and to realize.
How the hell can one, so lonely & vulnerable, gain security if not through someone else or through a change of situation?
There’s nothing that can satisfy a mind full of whys.
“Knowledge, you may get from books but wisdom is trapped within you, release it.”
— Ismat Ahmed Shaikh
Time flew by as I rested at home, depending on the help from others. Days, weeks, ashamed and drawn in self-pity.
4 weeks after the accident, I went to the hospital for another round of x-rays. The doc informed me that if my bone won’t fully heal on its own, they will need to set a titanium plate for support. A decision whether a surgery is necessary was still open.
X-rays done, and while consulting with my doc, I saw the tear almost closed. All good! He said.
I made my way back home, grateful that I didn’t have to undergo surgery.
It’s been a few more days, stuck on my couch. I felt angry and sad, desperately crying out for someone to help me escape this state of powerlessness.
There was nothing I could do until I remembered the few lessons I had in mindfulness; accepting the situation as it is.
I lay there, breathing, sensing through my body, indulged in pain. Breathing in and out, letting tears run down my cheek, telling me it’s okay.
After a while, I saw the x-ray with my almost healed bone, the almost closed tear. And the “it’s ok” slowly became meaningful. It is ok. These simple words suddenly began to vibrate. They became alive, if that makes sense.
My heartbeat calmed down, tears ceased to run as I realized the wonder of life. The absolute truth of being secure.
My body recovered on its own. How can one be more secure than being alive, where everything works without us intervening?
Could I have prevented the accident? I could argue yes, if I wouldn’t have let myself dragged by a speeding car, just to see if I can hold up with it.
But the answer is no. I had to undergo this experience. I’m surely now can prevent such a situation since I perfectly know where such behavior can lead to.
Things happen as they happen. We do, and we learn by failing.
Motorcycling bears an enormous risk, and everyone doing it knows about it. I could “secure” myself while never ever riding again. But I can tell you that the countless breathtaking experiences I made on 2 wheels have been priceless. Moments I don’t regret. Let alone all the encounters with beautiful people who today I call friends.
“If you want total security, go to prison. There you’re fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom. ”
― Dwight D. Eisenhower
The point is, we’re as secure as we can be. We don’t need to control and manipulate our journey, as all it does is to prevent us from experiencing. Experiences you don’t want to regret of not having gone through when lying on your death-bed.
And here’s a promise: Your inevitable death is real, and it will come sooner than you think.
Don’t allow fear, insecurity, and discomfort to hinder you from pursuing your greatest wishes. You’re ok! You will fail and you will succeed on the way! The most important is that you will live and grow!
Enjoy your moments!
Patrick